Humorous

Kay Jewelers Recalls 2 Million Cursed Wedding Rings

by

“If any wearer of Kay products has experienced partial or total blindness, nausea, intense rage upon entering a church, or has suffered a string of unexplained family tragedies, you may return the defective item to any Kay-affiliated retailer to be destroyed by a qualified priest.” < snip > AKRON, OH—Apologizing to customers for “any discomfort … Read more

Get your own binder of women, on sale now!

by

I love this new “binders full of women” meme that sprang up last night. So I’m going to cash in. Order your very own Binder of Women RIGHT NOW! Designed by yours truly, this hilarious joke will never, ever get old. Show your support for diversity in the workplace! Convince your liberal friends that Republicans … Read more

Ways to ensure I will ignore your media.

by

Here’s a short list of key words that will guarantee I will ignore your TV show, movie, etc. From the producers of ‘Scary Movie’ Tyler Perry’s _________________ From the writers of ‘Two and a half men’ “It will warm your heart” “Just how far would you go to find true love?” “This generation’s (something interesting … Read more

X Day’s a-coming. Get the saucers ready!

by

  The tingling in my loins and radar signals creeping into my brain can mean only one thing. X-Day is getting close! July 5th’s on it’s way!  Maybe this year is really 1998! X-Day, for those of you that might not know, is my all-time favorite holiday. I’ve been celebrating it for years.  It’s a … Read more

What’s the opposite of paranoia?

by

Well, I asked Google, and I found this metafilter page, which helpfully has an answer from one of my heroes, Robert Anton Wilson: Robert Anton Wilson called it “metanoia”: Paranoia = “everything wants to destroy me”; Metanoia = “everything wants to help me”. I’m not sure if he was getting that somehow from John Lilly’s … Read more