Six more makes 29 out of 31. Piece of cake.
The Vampire Lovers (1970)
Have you ever thought to yourself, “Dang, I sure could go for a good old-fashioned vampire story with gothic castles and horse-drawn carriages and such, but I don’t want to watch another Dracula movie?” Well, you’re in luck. Especially if you like old-school female vampires and boobs. Plus, Peter Cushing is in it. 11-year-old Ian would have LOVED it.
Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)
All the PA movies are the same exercise. It’s a game of Where’s Waldo, with the movie expecting me to use my pattern recognition circuits to detect what’s moving that shouldn’t be. Meh. The use of the kinect sensor is pretty interesting and creepy. As usual, nobody dies until the last 5 minutes, where 95% of the plot occurs.
Rule #1 of movie making: show, don’t tell. The incessant voice-overs in this movie are killing me. Also, the soundtrack is so goofy. This movie can’t tell if it wants to be a slasher movie or smokey and the bandit. I could really do with less stupid comic relief. And come on with the trombone scene. Sheesh. This movie is interesting as a historical curiosity in the evolution of horror movies, being a prototype for stuff that would come later, notably Halloween and Friday the 13th, but it’s not a terribly good movie on it’s own merits.
Brand new remake produced by Ryan Murphy, the guy that made Glee and American Horror Story. A remake vastly superior to the original, and which actually contains the original within it itself in a fascinating way; this is a movie that is about itself. Meta as all get out. As a stand alone movie, it’s pretty decent. But as a double feature with the original played first, it’s an outstanding combination.
I cannot recommend strongly enough that you watch both the original movie and the “remake” as a double feature. That’s a five-star horror movie experience right there. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts in this case, and watching them together really lends a completely different dimension to both films.
Candy Stripers (2006)
I don’t know, something about an alien invasion-of-the-body-snatchers thing and a hospital filled with hot nurses and the world’s oldest high school basketball team. All the actors look like someone else in disguise. There’s cheerleaders getting naked. It stars not one, but two Playboy playmates, so let’s just face it — if you’re watching it, you’re not watching it for the plot or anything. It’s for the boobs.
Room 33 (2009)
A wandering roller derby team breaks down near an abandoned insane asylum that’s covered with crazy grafitti which says things like, “I eat dead babies for breakfast”. The one black guy in the horror movie knows he’s the one black guy in the horror movie. He is also clearly the smartest guy in the horror movie. Punches above its weight, but not by much.
Big Bad Wolf (2006)
Here’s how the pitch meeting for this movie went: “Hey guys, I’ve got a great idea. A bunch of teens in a cabin in the woods meets a werewolf, but he’s like a wisecracking werewolf. The kids love that, like Freddy Kruger always cracked wise. Oh, and the werewolf is the kid’s stepdad, because, c’mon, teenage boys hate their stepdads.” And then someone wrote them a check for $500,000 and voila. This movie happened. The motorcycle girl is the only interesting character in this movie. I guess that’s something.
For some people in Fort Collins, the annual arrival of Count Chocula cereal is a highlight of the year. So when shoppers in the Colorado town went searching for the monster-themed marshmallow delicacy,… US News Summaries. | Newser
Twenty three so far! What’s funny is that this is pretty much my normal pace.
Killer Mermaid (aka Nymph) (2014)
You can always spot the girl from the USA, she’s the one with the american flag on her ass. An abandoned submarine base, AND an abandoned Nazi prison island in sight of one another? The europeans have all the good stuff. Of course, there has to be the “you’re doomed! you’re all doomed!” guy. Nobody ever listens to that guy. This movie was better than I expected. Mermaids make a good creature, and there’s a weird female power thing going on, since the siren song mind control only works on men. Worth watching.
So the story is about medical students dissecting a questionable corpse. I don’t know why, but this process seems to take days and days. There is some extremely questionable epistemology going on in this film.. Ok. This movie was totally stupid, but it was a lot of fun to watch.
Chemical Peel (2014)
Brand new on VOD Oct. 14th. An obnoxious bridezilla and her insipid friends get caught in the woods amid a toxic aerosol chemical spill. Hilarity ensues. There are a few really compelling scenes in this film, but it is hobbled by unconvincing performances and some questionable scripting. I thought it was going to punk out on me at the end, but the final scene redeemed it. Enjoyable.
Manic pixie dream girl Elfie Hopkins and Harry Potter discover their new neighbors are cannibals, ala Fright Night. Takes a little while to get going, but the last act is fun. Pretty British.
One Missed Call (2003)
The Takashi Miike original in Japanese with English subs. Quite good J-horror that echoes themes pioneered by Ringu and Ju-On. A good introduction to j-horror from the 90s-00s,for those who may not be so familiar. Takashi Miike rarely disappoints. Also, I downloaded the creepy music box ringtone for my phone, which is nice.
I’m up to 17 so far.
Somehow, without trying, I acquired two copies of this movie in my DVD collection. Hospital horror. Guy checks in for a routine colonoscopy, and never checks out. Thanks, Obamacare death panels. I see what these guys were going for, and it’s not a bad idea, but there were some issues with pacing and execution that I can’t see past. There are whole subplots that are just silly dead ends, characters that only exist as metaphors, and like the whole second act is sort of this “it was a dream the entire time” thing. That being said, certainly watchable, but not brilliant.
Oh, shit, it’s in 4×3 format. Old school. It’s like Natural Born Killers meets One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, rendered in the style of Repo Man. Not entirely devoid of good ideas, but not enough to warrant watching. Only barely qualifies as a horror movie, actually.
The remake. Pretty darn good. I was suspicious of a remake, because the one with Sissy Spacek is just so iconic. But the beauty of the thing here is that you know what’s going to happen, and you see all the expectations of the characters, and it lends it a different kind of tragedy, a kind of subtext of inevitability. Julianne Moore was very good in her role as the super-religious mother. Recommended.
Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
I’ve tried to watch this movie unsuccessfully twice; I guess third time’s the charm. Kiev seems so nice in 2012; I bet it’s not so friendly a tourist spot these days. Seems like a fellow gets a whole lot of adventure for his dollars in eastern Europe. I’m looking at you, Hostel and A Serbian Film. This movie is somewhere on the continuum between Scooby Doo visits Silent Hillski, and the Russian Hills Have Eyes. Is that racist? The ending is solid.
Art of the Devil (2004)
Thai, with English subs. Hell hath something something woman scorned. Probate law is a whole lot different in Thailand, what with all the black magic and such. They take their death curses very seriously, it appears. A decent, but not amazing, film.
I’m up to twelve so far. Almost halfway there.
Vanishing on 7th Street (2010)
Anakin Skywalker keeps running out of flashlight batteries. Croatoan. The ending was good.
The Dead (2010)
Hey, have you been reading about how the Ebola dead are resurrecting in West Africa? So this is pretty much like what it would look like if Ebola was a zombie virus. It’s set in west Africa, Sierra Leone. The zombies operate on Romero rules. Slow, cannibals, dead, stopped by a shot to the head.
The characters are capable, and don’t do anything overtly stupid. Its nice to see a zombie movie that isn’t set in the white middle-class suburbs of the United States, though the effect is ruined by making the main protagonist a white American man. This isn’t a great movie, by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s not unwatchable. Apparently there’s a sequel set in India.
Killer Story (2007)
Well, it’s got Joe Estevez in it. He’s like a poor man’s Gary Busey. “You’ll be a female Gene Hackman.” A character actually said that line in this movie. As a compliment. To a woman. ಠ_ಠ
I wish there was something to recommend here, but there just isn’t. The plot is asinine and transparently confessional, since both stories in this anthology are about men who are complete failures. The filmmakers apparently had never heard of “continuity” or “color correction” and they don’t have any friends in bands, judging from the atrocious casio synth score. Utterly inept on every level. This is the movie you can make if you have $10k, and you give $5k of it and a bottle of tequila to Joe Estevez for an afternoon of work. Just terrible.
Final Draft (2007)
Dawson’s Creek stars in this movie as a writer who’s trying to write a story about a killer clown. I felt sympathetic to Dawson’s Creek actually; as a person who dabbles with creative writing now and again, the idea of locking yourself in a room until you finish the thing you’re working on is a familiar sentiment, one I can identify with. The story here is one of those sort of meta things. The guy is writing the screenplay and seemingly living it at the same time. The sound on the DVD release was mixed really low, sadly, but other than that, it was reasonably good.
Best line of dialog: “It’s ok. We’re cutting your arm off.”
This is a creature feature in the best sense, and oh my, what a creature! Reminds me of that fungus that infects ants, and makes them crawl to a high spot in the tree branches, where the fungus eats through the ant body, and then releases its spores onto the forest floor, to infect more ants. It had lots of echos of The Thing and Alien Raiders. Good and scary, with a fair amount of disturbingly realistic gore. One plot complaint: it would have been easier to make an ice suit than to lower homeboy’s body temperature. Simple is the best solution. Some of the action scenes got a little shaky-cam, but I can live with that. Totally solid movie.
Via Dangerous Minds:
You may remember a post last week on “Apocalypse Pooh,” a fantastic little pre-Internet mash-up of Apocalypse Now and Winnie The Pooh released in 1987 through underground tape-trading circles by art student Todd Graham. Though Graham is still best-known for his prototype mash-ups, I was pleased to…